The Meaning of Marriage

I've been thinking a lot about how or if our relationship will change after our marriage is official. Our living situation would not change, as we are already cohabitants. Other than the legalities that accompany a marriage license, I wondered what might be different. I thought about the vows we will take in less than eight months- to honor one another, to stick together through good times and bad, sickness and health, for richer or poorer. Aside from stating these things in front of our loved ones, I feel that we have already vowed, though not verbally, to do these things for one another. One of the aspects of our relationship that I love, love, love the most is the respect we have for one another. This is something that I had not experienced with other relationships, but came very naturally between the two of us. With our respect for each other, we are able to really listen to one another and share a comfort in expressing our hopes/concerns/fears/joys we experience both within our relationship and also that we experience as individuals.
Though we haven't been exactly poor at any time, we've both struggled through paying our bills through college and now with the fears of today's unstable market. Finance is a subject in our daily conversation. We don't have a joint bank account, and will continue to have the majority of our money in separate accounts after we marry, but we do share expenses now and if one of us is struggling, the other helps out.
I have a chronic illness. X has known this from the beginning of our friendship that predated our dating relationship. He's never treated me differently because of it, but when there are times that I'm ailing, he takes care of me. We have discussed concerns that may arise because of it later in our relationship, and I know he will be there despite it. The same can be said for myself if he is ever ill.
Throughout our relationship, we have gone through a number of trials. When we first began dating, to put it bluntly, I had a lot of issues that were a result from my last relationship. It was hard for both of us in the beginning, but we've made it through that. In the last year, both of our mothers were diagnosed with cancer- which has been an ongoing emotional rollercoaster for both of our families. We have been each others supports, a shoulder to cry on, an outlet to vent, a place to laugh and enjoy life. This is what marriage is. Though it may vary from person to person and differ through religious point of views, this is the core.
And so, when I think about what will change between us, I can say that not much will. And that's okay, because really I feel we are already married- in our hearts.
What does marriage mean to you and your s.o.?

Going to the Chapel

When X and I started talking more seriously about an engagement, we had a number of discussions on religion. He is Catholic and a majority of his extended family is Catholic. I am Lutheran and my family is either Catholic or Lutheran. Although the two religions are very similar, there are some key differences between them. I didn't and still don't really care about the location of our ceremony, but I was more concerned with who conducted the ceremony. My family has been attending the same church for the last 20 years, in which the same pastor has presided. It was/is important to me that we were both comfortable with person performing the ceremony. For me, that meant someone we were very familiar with and knew well. Thus, an obvious choice was my pastor. However, it was/is important for X to have a Catholic ceremony. We discussed many different alternatives that would appease the both of us. For a while, I considered having an outdoor ceremony outside of either church. Of course, I quickly changed my mind when I remembered how unpredictable the weather in Texas is and how expensive it would be to have Plan B in case of rain, cold weather, or sweltering heat. I think the most beneficial result of our discussions was that each of us was able to understand the others views of their own religion. We both respect that we were raised in different religious backgrounds, but we are more open to explore the others religion now that we have a better understanding of its importance. For a while I think we were frustrated that religion and the ceremony was continually being discussed. At the time I though that maybe it was because each of us wanted to have our way. Now that I look back, I think it was really that we wanted the other to listen.
At this point, we have decided to have a Lutheran ceremony (at my family church, with my pastor) and we will also be incorporating some aspects of the Hispanic/Catholic ceremony, which I will go into further depth at a later point. Have you learned anything about your relationship from wedding planning?

*the* Engagement

Mr. Beagle & I had picked out and bought *the* ring together about 3 months prior to our formal engagement, so I knew the proposal was coming, I just didn't know when. I knew he wouldn't propose on our anniversary, because we don't have one :). I thought (*hoped) he might propose on an upcoming trip to the beach we were taking to celebrate a family member's graduation. However, my parents were in the process of moving back to Austin and would not be home until after our return.. and Mr. Beagle, being the gentleman that he is, really wanted to speak with them in person before the proposal satisfy tradition. So I waited. And I waited. And I waited. My birthday was approaching, and I kind of put the proposal out of mind because I knew he wouldn't do it then. When we talked about the proposal shortly after we bought the ring, I casually mentioned I didn't want a proposal on my birthday- I told him I wanted our engagement to be on a day that was uniquely special to both of us, and not one that already had a special meaning to one of us. So naturally, that sneaky Mr. Beagle planned to do it the day before my birthday. To throw me off guard. Which he did.

On the day of the engagement, we started our morning with breakfast at the local cafe we love. While we sat enjoying our coffee, Mr. Beagle mentioned it would be nice to visit a nearby winery later that afternoon. I said that might be nice, but honestly I was really not that interested in going. You see, it was a really hot day (like over 100 hot). And hot afternoons in Texas should only be spent in the comfort of AC. Not outside in the heat, drinking wine. So, after I woke up from my nap in the early afternoon hours (um, exhausted by the heat) I discovered that Mr. Beagle had a new plan: We were going to the Zilker Botanical Gardens so that I could practice my photography by taking photos (I like photography, alot) that we could make into artwork for our house (at the time the walls were looking pretty bare). The gardens are really beautiful, but it took some work to convince me that this was a good idea (did I mention it was HOT?), I think it was only after he mentioned a stop on the way to pick up iced coffee (oh yeah, I also like coffee, alot) that I was finally on board for the trip. We finally arrived at the gardens, coffee and camera in hand ready to start taking photos. We made our way through most of the gardens, stopping frequently to admire the koi fish and flowers.


There were quite a number of people there that day, and we really didn't have a moment where we were really alone. So after we had made it through the entire length of the gardens, Mr. Beagle wanted to go back. What, but we just finished? Yes, he said wanted to take some pictures by a waterfall that we had passed in the beginning. At this point, I started to protest because it was hot, and my iced coffee was gone :(. I also started getting suspicious. Mr. Beagle was acting kind of odd all morning. He had said he wasn't feeling well earlier in the day, and he never gets sick, and he really tried hard to convince me that we HAD to go out today. I quickly scanned his pockets as we made our way back to the waterfall, searching for signs of a ring box, but there was nothing there.


We sat on a bench a few feet away from the waterfall (with butterflies fluttering in my stomach), and with no one else around, he started telling me how much he loved me. At that point I knew what was coming. I teared up realizing that he was on one knee and nervously held out my had while he slipped on *the* ring, sigh. And we hugged. And we kissed. We were engaged.

Did your fiance make your engagement a surprise? Was it a reflection of you or your relationship?